Wednesday, June 3, 2009

"The Porch" and a dear friend

Lately, the symbol of "the porch" has become a funny subject between me and a close friend of mine.  As two single women, we came up with this reference one day while trying to delve deeper into the layers of love and why it is as f**cked up as it is.  At the time we were both having relationship issues.  I turned to her one day and said, "shouldn't it just be like a porch, where you and your love grow old and can sit in silence together?  Isn't a porch sort of easy and simple and not that complex and isn't that really all we want?"  While most people overhearing this conversation would have looked at me like I had ten heads, being single and hooking onto anything for hope, she turned to me and in astonishment shouted, "YES!"  Thus our theory has sort of developed on this funny porch reference which equates to something of the likes of, people who have porches are relaxed and often times married and hence enjoy the outdoors together and quite obviously eat dinner together at around 6pm every night, like clock work.  We've antiquated almost all of their "happiness" simply as being the result of one fine edition to their home, the porch.   
What started as a joke and remained a joke has turned a little more serious over time since we both are constantly referencing it and turning it into a  joking belief.  In a sad way it has become our screwed up reference for what we think we want, but in many ways it's really no different than the white picket fence theory.  The porch theory is just as bad as any other single-woman theory about love.  Love is totally complicated, with or without a porch attached to the outside of your home.  Even those who say it should be easy, know it isn't.  Love is work.  Sure, there are feelings when you are in love that make it feel easy, but it's truthfully not.  It's compromise, it's looking at yourself and assessing yourself, it's reassessing yourself, it's beautiful and deep, reflective and tough.  Love reminds you often that you have a pulse yet at the same time it keeps you on your toes.  I live in a home without a porch and I've actually never lived anywhere with one, maybe I'm not ready yet.  
More than anything our theory puts a smile on my face now and again.  It reminds me that it's okay and that I don't walk through life alone and in a comfortable way I'm really not that unique.  I have friends who I love and who love me.  I'm going to be thirty next year and a lot of the women my age are getting married or having children.  I'm not in a rush yet it does make me stop and think now and again.  
Before I go bed each night I think of my friend and how in short time we will probably both have loving relationships or some sort of new venture on the horizon.  We may not talk as often and have as much time to laugh about porches.  John Lennon said, "life is what happens when you are busy making other plans" and I tend to agree.  That being said, for now I'm happy talking with her, making jokes and not waiting for love impatiently but enjoying my friendship, right now.  When the time is right, I'll have my so-called "porch" but regardless, I'm grateful for my friends and for having the laughter that they bring to my life.  

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You are an amazing writer....Ilove your work and look forward to daily inspirations from you....which is another word for love.You are love