Tuesday, June 2, 2009

And that's the Present Moment :)

I'm moving.  I'm moving only fifteen minutes away from where I currently live but still I'm moving to an entirely new home, with a new layout and a new yard.  My two cats will hardly recognize where they have been dropped to start over as they circumnavigate the new space and larger counters to rest on.  When I first moved into my current place (where I am now leaving), I loved it and was joyful just to finally have my own apartment near woods and a running stream.  After a few weeks though, I noticed the noise of upstairs neighbors and soon the noise of the little singing diva in the apartment below.  The giant propane tank became less attractive with time and I guess you can say I was having renter's remorse.  Still, as I am packing up and my days in this place are winding down I have been forced to step back and look at the lessons that I have learned here.  Why is it that now I can look back on this place with a smile yet when I was here it felt like a constant struggle?  Maybe it's the old light at the end of the tunnel theory, but maybe not.  
Buddhist teachers often struggle with helping students find the present moment.  Find the present moment and take it in, be it, taste it, feel it.  Don Miguel Ruiz in his bestselling, life- changing book "The Four Agreements" ties present moment awareness into his key to living life fully and always doing your best.   When I look back on this little dingy apartment that I have made my home for the past year, I have to admit that it makes me feel oddly proud.  I don't see the constant cleaning, the noise pollution, the garbage pollution, I see a home where I overcame my fear of thunder and rainstorms.  I see a place where I learned to cook and to self-nurture.  This has been a home where I was able to adopt two beautiful cats and make a home for them with me.  It was in this apartment that I discovered much of what I like and who I am and also discovered what I don't like and that it's okay that I don't like certain things.  
I have been forced to be strong for the past year, face down inner demons, carry myself through fire and survive the ups and downs of life.  It has not been easy but it has been good.    
I am already very much in love with the new place.  It is perfect for me and my cats.  Yet, oddly in many ways I will miss the early mornings in this old apartment.  I will miss my early meditation and the quiet of country back roads.  I will always look back on this chapter of my life with a smile.  So, the present moment has taught me not to run away or turn my back because the lessons that are there teach us strength.  Strength only forces us deeper and we look more closely within to get to the root of our essence, who we are and what we want.  In conclusion, I thank Daisy Lane for this strength, for understanding of my responsibility towards myself, self-loyalty, allowance of love, the root of truth, the power of integrity and I carry those parts of myself now onward, always. 

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