Monday, September 24, 2012

New Stairs - A Morning Reflection

It's early Monday morning and I'm waiting for the carpenter to arrive.  I can guarantee he will be here in no time since the carpenter's who work on my home are notoriously early and moody (the two go hand in hand).  I can ensure he will confidently walk through the front door with a coffee in hand, eager and ready to replace my floors with his waist hoisted in the air as he eyes the old molding in total disgust.  I've lived in my home for about a year now but it feels like I've been here forever.  The peeling flower and pin stripe wallpaper in the bathroom, the patio with missing stones...this place, a work in progress, is truly home.

Maybe it's just because it's early and I'm not in my full mind yet, but often times when I first wake up I can't help but feel complete gratitude for this shelter, my beautiful space.  As I make little improvements month by month I find that it  has become an extension of my own self.  And today is no different as the ancient carpeting on the stairs both going up and going down, will be ripped to shreds and replaced with a fine linoleum that even the most classy of heels cannot penetrate.  Painting the bedroom over a year ago I felt independent, choosing the carpeting in the office I felt strong, the nails that I hammered individually into each of the walls and the photos I decided to let live on them - all a culmination of becoming an adult.  But the stairs, what are the stairs?  It didn't hit me till' now but the stairs are what I've chosen to let in and what I've chosen to release in the past few years.  These stairs are the structure that define and outline the layout of my home.  Some might call it good feng shui or juju or a clean new beginning to get rid of the ragged old white carpet but for me this change is simply another step in making my home my own.

Whether it is through my commitment to a morning ritual, or my flakey meditation practice, my constantly evolving day job or the improvements I make on my house,  I am learning to make decisions and stick with them.

I am learning to trust my own discernment.

I am so grateful for this home and for the stairs that keep it grounded and keep the flow alive - a constant reminder of what comes in and what must be let go.


Erin said...

Eri, this is fantastic! Extremely poignant, reflective, and TRUE...there are indeed so many parallels between our homes and our lives, that we may not even realize or recognize...LOVE this...thank you. :) XOXO

Carol said...

The space you create...step by step will reflect you... light, peaceful, artistic...lovely!

jess said...

Another beautiful post, Eri - thank you for sharing your reflections and for your thought-provoking words.