Tuesday, February 23, 2010

On Mending a Broken Heart

Mending a broken heart is one of the hardest things that we as human beings come up against in our lifetime.  There is nothing like the pain of mistrust especially after giving ourselves over to trust and being vulnerable to those we love. But I have good news!  The process of healing heartache can be so cathartic and bring up old baggage, childhood issues and anything else that needs resolution once and for all.  There is such a misconception in our culture about heartache and it is often frowned upon or looked at as a foolish state of emotion that must pass quickly.  When Elizabeth Gilbert said, "the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else" I think she strictly meant on a physical level.  Yes it helps to have distractions but ultimately I have found that more you find silence within yourself the easier and more fully the heart heals.

The heart is a tricky organ and is possibly the greatest gift of being human.  It is our heart that can feel and love so deeply but it is ultimately this same heart that can be the brunt of so much pain, anger and loss.  I remember a friend of mine was going to therapy and she told me that her therapist believed that death is much easier than a broken heart due to it's finality.  But death in it's finality really leaves a space and although you can fill it with memories, heartache leaves a space that only you can fill with your own self-love and nurturing, and that is a major gift!

I think the gift of a broken heart is so often overlooked.  Issues that have been waiting to be resolved, things that are tucked away and in need of resolution since childhood, pain and grief, hurt and anger all come up for one big healing.  As time goes by it becomes less about the other person you loved and more about healing oneself.  If becomes more about the fact that you can love, that you can be open to pain and hurt and things you wish you would never feel.  The depth of feeling that a broken heart unleashes is incredible and a lot of times it is a flotation device, or a key to a doorway that arrives cloaked in deprivation and hurt and we don't see it right away as our saving grace.  Gangaji talks about the "diamond in your pocket" and I think in a lot of ways heartache is just that - if you know how to mend it, you only grow stronger over time and you find that diamond is already in your pocket and has been all this time.

Everything you are looking for in another has been there within you all along.

Look, we've all experienced an array of emotions in our lifetime and I know for me personally my heart has been my greatest tool and biggest teacher.  My heart is my medicine and although it can feel the utmost grief and pain, I have learned to take the time to process it in order to get back out to the light of day with more clarity and knowing.  There is no timetable to any of our healing, it is a journey in itself.  There is only what works for you and please I urge you to remember that.  Yes, it does take time to heal and it will pass and there will be such an awesome joy waiting on the other side of the tunnel.  I always say you are your own best compass and if you listen within, only you know what works for you.

My prayer for us all is to not stay stuck in pain, to never have to swallow hurt and go on through life with a broken being.  The heart is there to be harnessed, felt and used for a loving experience.  It teaches us, "heal thyself."  Once the pain settles it is essential to make peace within, to love your vulnerabilities, to enjoy the stillness and the in between, to see the ending as a key to inner strength and self-awareness.  Once you open that doorway and let the floodgates open you start your journey and a new day will reveal itself and this time you will recognize it fully and completely as your own.


Erin said...

Beautifully stated, my friend; you are very wise. Love you :)

Linda said...

Your insight is amazing!!!
Keep writing for all of us..
Especially the ones that need courage to say "Wow".....You have such a gift to see pain as that... -a gift.Bella