On Love

Why is love so tricky? I always tell myself that it shouldn't be, it should be smooth sailing like a placid lake on the edge of summertime. Love should be calm and soothing, good for the soul, hardy and intimately nourishing. Yet for whatever reason, most people I know that are in loving relationships seem to be holding on for dear life in an ocean of day to day chaos. Even the happy couples always tell me, "honey, it's work."

When I was little I was almost positive that love was going to be easy, simple, there would be long late night strolls on the beach, children, weddings and fun through out! As I have gotten older I hear about late night strolls past the bar, or to the crib, children throwing tantrums for hours at a time, weddings where if it's not one issue, it's another and really quite a lot of misery. My mom insists that when you find the right fit, "it's not that hard or complicated" yet I find this almost impossible to believe. How could something uncomplicated take work? Is it like paying credit card bills?

One of my favorite monks Osho who is known for his writing and philosophy said that in order for love to occur two people must live in separate homes across the field from one another. Love is what occurs when they come together in the field at least once a day to dance, and then go back home at the end of the day. Maybe Osho's definition is right and perhaps the misinterpretation of separate homes is reason for the 51% divorce rate in America right now. But on a more serious note, maybe we have misunderstood our dear friend Osho. What he is pointing to as separate is that we all need privacy, space from one another, our own temple to find ourselves and keep our center. That way when we come together with our lover in the field to dance we can be free, clear, and then return to our solo temple to replenish and rejuvenate, to revel in the ecstasy of love.

I have a friend who argues that infidelity was always an issue in relationships throughout history. When I asked her, "what about the women's liberation?" she replied, "what about it?" Both women and men are responsible for love and maybe the issue is that when you find a partner you make a contract, what Carolyn Myss would refer to as a sacred contract. So really all else, the books on love, marriage, divorce, the wedding bells, the broken dreams, the drama all fall away and what's left are two souls who either have enough trust in one another to make it work or to weaken in the wake of temptation and unhappiness.

Yesterday I was on the phone with a friend and I said to her, "love is really a lot like the ocean, it's like there could be a tidal wave one second and moments later you could be floating at peace on your back, and the soft water carrying you." I've been in love once before. I've fallen so hard that climbing back out was like a rescue mission for my life. What's funny to me is if you think about it, the key ingredients for love are probably pretty basic: trust, communication (on a level that makes sense for you both), truth, integrity, laughter and joyfulness. If you think about it how could anything without these really truly be love? It makes you wonder... maybe it really isn't so complicated after all.